Ms Tophet's Hogwarts Adventure
by Mitsuko Maxwell
Summary: A Mary Sue, but also a oneshot. Cross dressing, glitter, and a sneaky hidden meaning. DracoHarrySnape


Title: Ms. Tophet's Hogwarts Adventure or An Odd Little Mary Sue  
  
Author: Mitsuko Maxwell  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Disclaimer: I hate Umbridge, and the children are mine!!  
  
Author's notes: A Mary-Sue probably isn't the best first fic, but what the hey! I rather liked it, and Draco and Harry forever!  
  
~*~  
  
"Susanna Tophet was a quiet, sarcastic, dark and moody, chubby little Goth girl. She wore dark make up and listened to songs by guys who sung about death, fashion, and the happy happy murder of innocence in his dark and rotting soul. She was also a Hufflepuff Fifth Year at the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, the same year as the brightly shining Golden Boy, Harry Potter.  
  
"It's quite funny, isn't it? You're one of the darkest girls I've met, and the Sorting Hat put you in Hufflepuff!"  
  
It didn't help, of course, that the Sorting Hat had just finished his second fat roll of weed right before Professor McGonagall had picked him up. Gods, he was such a pothead, that damn hat...  
  
Oddly enough, Susanna's friends were all Slytherin, (although they were the ones that got in solely because they were in a pissy mood that day, and the Hat hadn't bothered to read their minds deeper than the surface level.) Most people either ignored Susanna's group, or honestly didn't notice them. The girls in Susanna's group were all rake thin and pale, while Susanna was on the chubby side and went pink at the drop of a pin. Every girl worshiped the Hogwarts Goth-Boy, Draco Malfoy, and two of them had even created a shrine to him in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom, containing a picture of what could be his hand, black candles, and a blonde Willy Poo Poo that acted as voodoo doll. Unfortunately every girl had never had enough courage to speak to their worshiped one.  
  
Susanna could see why the girls swooned over the blonde haired Slytherin, his lean and seductive body, his ice blonde hair, and silver eyes. But she could never convince herself to get as worked up as the others. Maybe because she knew he would never even accidentally bump into her in a crowded hallway, or maybe because she'd always had a thing for older men.  
  
No, Susanna could never worship the Malfoy boy. Instead, she went for Slytherin house headmaster, a Mister Severus J. Snape. She loved his oily black hair, his sneaky crawl across the chilling dungeon floor, his elegant and tormented-soul shadow when he stood over a shrieking cauldron and inspected the contents with only a small, imperceptible lift of one corner of his thin lips.  
  
She shivered in her black cloak whenever he stalked by her in Potions, she swooned when he deducted points from the brainless rabble.  
  
And all the time she watched him, her tortured kindred soul mate, she noticed some peculiar things flitting behind his black eyes whenever they lighted upon Draco Malfoy, or his nemesis, Harry Potter. She once commented on this, and the other Goth girls twittered, dismissing it as either his hatred for Potter, or his favoritism towards Malfoy. She simply nodded her black dyed head, and returned the conversation back to this month's "Morgue News" magazine.  
  
After that, she ignored the small looks that passed between Malfoy and Snape, Snape and Potter. She decided to lose weight, and found a wonderful spell that made her drop at least four pounds every time she performed it. After losing the weight of a few healthy newborns, she decided to stop, and quickly rejoiced in her new petite body by dating a handful of the Goth boys until the end of her Fifth Year.  
  
Sixth Year finally came, and Susanna was determined to get Professor Snape to notice her. She began to wander the lower levels of Hogwarts, learning all the back ways and secret passes of the chilly dungeon levels. Once or twice she even fell upon Professor Snape, scowling and muttering to himself. But she always hid in the shadows, watching him tramp elegantly by without a word.  
  
Soon, those emancipated blonde twits began to avoid her, a bit puzzled as to why she haunted the dungeons. She hardly noticed, because she had soon found Professor Snape's living quarters, and after reading a peculiar Muggle book on the subject of non-magic trespassing, decided to risk entering his rooms.  
  
After making sure he was gone, Susanna crept into the chambers of the oily- faced one, and was rather shocked at the decor.  
  
No shelves filled with disgusting floating eyeballs, no stone floor to chill her bones, not even a gloomy and mysterious painting of a younger Snape graced the room's walls. Instead, it was rather....cozy.  
  
Thoroughly appalled at the lush brown carpet, and increasingly depressed at the sight of a rather large Beanie Baby collection, Susanna stumbled backwards, found the door, and ran straight into the firm chest of Harry Potter.  
  
"Who are you?" He asked, the green eyes shining through the gold glitter and red lipstick.  
  
"Why are you dressed in drag?" Susanna asked, amazed that even he could squeeze himself in that tiny plastic tube dress.  
  
Harry Potter of the Wizard Fame had the decency to blush and look down at his outfit. "It's the feet that give it away, huh? I knew I should have worn those strappy sandals!"  
  
"Harry, darling, is the Professor in tonight or not? This is Patil's dress, and you know how bitchy she gets if I don't return it the same night!" And Draco Malfoy the Golden Haired arrived, indeed wearing a stunning dress of pastels. When he saw Susanna gaping at Harry, and then turning to gape at himself, he frowned sweetly. "Did you invite someone, Harry?"  
  
"No, Draco, she was in the Professor's chambers. I don't think the Professor knows it though." Harry had begun to fiddle with a bead on his glitter necklace, but had stopped once he had realized Susanna's predicament.  
  
Silence filled the small corridor. Susanna shifted awkwardly from foot to foot. Harry checked the polish on his long, fake nails, and Draco casually scratched his scalp underneath the wig.  
  
"Yes, well, you didn't see me, and I didn't see you. Good night and good luck on...well, good night." Susanna nodded curtly to the impeccably dressed pair and edged her way around them, making sure not to step on Harry's feather boa as she passed.  
  
"Do you think she'll tell anyone, love?" Draco asked, while Harry and his self walked arm and arm, wandering the dungeons hours later. Draco's Raggedy Anne wig was falling off to one side, and the baby blue body glitter on his chest was smeared over Harry's.  
  
"Who, Draco?"  
  
"That girl that was in the dear Professor's rooms earlier. She didn't look like one who enjoyed being roasted over a simmering fire for exposing us, but you never know."  
  
Harry mused silently. Then he cursed loudly because the heel on the bitch boots he was wearing snapped and made him wobble for a second. "Fucking cheap imitation boots! I knew I should have forked over the extra Galleons for the quality boots."  
  
Draco tutted softly. "It's a good thing you have such wonderful reflexes, because you know what our idol says about men and heels."  
  
Harry nodded slowly and rolled his mascara covered eyes upward. "If a man should fall in heels, it means suicide."  
  
"Exactly."  
  
And as their twaddle about beauty tips and Ron's latest sexual conquest continued, the thought of Susanna Tophet left their minds."  
  
The middle-aged woman relaxed into the cushions on her couch and smiled at the expression on the faces of the young children.  
  
"But what happened to Susanna's crush on the Professor? Did anything happen with them?"  
  
The smile increased, giving the impression of wisdom and a secret well hidden from the prying eyes of her children. "Well, Susanna got over him. Nothing could have ever happened with them anyways, it was illegal. And besides," and here the woman's eyes twinkled, and her gaze slid away from the children and towards the figure standing in the doorway, arms crossed, and eyes laughing. "I'm sure she found someone else to obsess about."  
  
"What are you telling them, Janice?"  
  
The children screeched and turned around, flying towards the now crouching figure. "Mummy! You're home!"  
  
"Hello, Susanna love! Was work rather hard? Yes, the children were angels today. What? No, I was only telling them a story about your school days. No, I don't think they understood everything, but what with the invitation we got from Mr. Malfoy and Mr. Potter for their house party, I thought it was a good time to get them prepared for all that glitter and pantyhose bit those two love to play." 


End file.
